Clown
More actions
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Drew Quintana (Medical Doctor) says: "What the hell is wrong with you! You're placing down banana peels and squirting people with water when a man has just died. Read the room!" |
Job Description
You are a clown - a hired performer. Utilize your 'clown tools' to entertain the crew. Tell a joke, and maybe even engage in some slapstick comedy.
Employee Evaluation
In some sense, you have the most important job on the station. Morale is critical, and if you can bring a smile to a sad and overworked employee then you have done your job and done it well.
In a much more real sense, your job is pointless and your life is worthless. The station needs doctors and scientists and engineers, not comedians. You should probably go back to doing children's birthdays.
Clown Tools
| Item | Description |
|---|---|
| Bike Horn | The bread and butter of your physical comedy. The bike horn has been used by clowns for centuries. Why is it funny? Well, you tell me, you're the comedian. |
| Laugh Track Tape Recorder | A tape recorder that can emit howling laughter at the press of a button. Useful if you want to imitate that 20th century sitcom feeling. |
| Banana Peel | The banana peel is important to slapstick comedy like how air is important to breathing. Anyone who walks over it is bound to fall over with their legs kicking in the air. It's hilarious. For your own personal well-being, you may want to avoid slipping grumpy crew members. |
| Clown Megaphone | Being louder is scientifically proven to make you funnier. |
| Clown Car | Drive around in a car. Stuff people inside. Crash into a wall and cause an automobile accident with a humorously large number of victims. |
Threats
You have no means to defend yourself and no one really cares enough about you to protect you. Tell the wrong joke to the wrong person, and you may just find yourself the victim of an 'involuntary slapstick routine' - one involving yourself, security officers, and painful batons.